Susan Smith: Madison’s derby Dolls more than just “hurt in a skirt”

Originally published Aug. 17, 2008

By Susan Lampert Smith

A funny thing happened in the four years since I’ve been to a roller derby bout.

It’s become a real sport.

Oh, yeah, the women – who fill roles as substitute teacher, mom, or IT tech in daylight – still sport funny stage names and the costumes. The summer travel league team, the Dairyland Dolls, dresses in their blue and white gingham dresses. Think Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, if you left her out in the rain until her dress shrunk to the approximate size of a teddy, the better to show off her panties – and her massive pair of quadriceps.

The Dairyland Dolls play up their bad farm girl image with a mascot in a Holstein costume, and a cheer that goes:

“Don’t gimme no pop, no pop
“Don’t gimme no tea, tea.
“Just gimme that milk, moo, moo, moo, moo
“Wisconsin milk, moo, moo, moo, moo.”

But once they hit the rink – their next home bout is Aug. 30 against the Burning River Girls from Cleveland – it’s clear the sport has come a long way.

In July, they made progress in the rankings, by narrowly beating the Charm City Roller – a Baltimore team dressed unwholesomely in black, at their home rink, Madison’s Fast Forward.

The team’s star jammer, a tiny girl in braids named Mouse, cut through the Baltimore bruisers like a mouse through Swiss cheese. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.) As she came around the oval, scoring a point for every opposing member she passed, her arms churned (sorry again) like those of an Olympic speed skater. There were referees’ whistles and fouls, but none of the professional-wrestling style antics that marked the team’s birth five years ago.

“This is definitely the future of derby,’’ said Tammy Faye Undertakker, the dolls’ spokeswoman. “Anymore, teams that are just show and fake fighting aren’t respected.”

The Baltimore bout was serious business, as Baltimore came in ranked 13 nationally, and the local team 17th. The top 12 teams in the East will qualify for the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association’s Eastern Regionals, which will be held Oct. 10-12 at the Alliant Energy Center in Madison. The top four teams will advance to Portland, Oregon, for the national championships in November.

Derby in Dairyland has come a long way since the Dolls first season in 2004. The four Madison area teams that play locally -- the Vaudeville Vixens, the Reservoir Dolls, the Unholy Rollers and the Quad Squad – have been joined by the Appleton-area Fox Valley Foxs and the Milwaukee-based Brew City Bruisers.

And Crackerjack, a Doll who currently serves as president of the WFTDA, expects the sport to grow some more after the release next year of the Ellen Page (of “Juno” fame) and Drew Barrymore movie, “Whip it,’’ about a Texas girl who gives up beauty pageants for the track. Texas was the home of the roller derby revival early this century (it all but died out in the 1970s), so it’s appropriate the film is set there.

Standard rules and athletic training have made it more of a sport and less of a show.

“The hits are harder, but cleaner,’’ said Crackerjack, a Dolls founder. “Before, the rules weren’t clear, so it was street justice.”

And the girls, many of whom never played an organized sport before, are in better shape than ever.

Witness the “baby dolls,’’ a group of about 25 women hoping to make the local teams this fall. Their summer regimen consists of two or three days doing core strength work at the Monkey Bar gym, and three nights of training at the track.

“We play tag and learn how to properly fall,” said “Baby Doll” Robin Giles, who was limping around Fast Forward on a crutch, the result of wrenching her knee during a practice.

Still, for every bout, there’s an ambulance and a paramedic team on hand, giving truth to roller derby’s motto, “Hurt in a skirt.”

For schedules and info, see http://www.madrollindolls.com/

PHOTO INFORMATION: A Dairyland Doll named Mouse passes on the outside during a recent derby match in Madison vs. Baltimore’s Charm City Roller team./PHOTO by Neil Stechschulte