Originally published Aug. 24, 2008
A bit of social business took me again to Madeline Island this weekend so in the grand island tradition I missed the ferry that was to return me to the mainland in order to spend quality time at Tom's Burned Down Cafe, one of the seven wonders of the Up North world.
That might sound a little much but it's true. There is not a first-time visitor to the island who doesn't see the Burned Down Cafe in all its weathered bohemian glory and not wonder, what the hell is that?
It's a good question, because Tom's just might be the oddest bar in all of Wisconsin - and yes, that is saying a lot. It's a survivor, for starters, born from the ashes of a onetime island bar called Leona's (that's the Burned Down part). Tom Nelson brought what he could salvage into downtown LaPointe, set a wood floor atop an old car, added the box of a truck for storage, built a bar (the granite bar tops were once urinal walls at a Bayfield TB sanitorium), coolers, a stage for bands, seats, even umbrellas and a few heaters because among the things he didn't add to the place were walls. He posted a sign - "Sorry, We're Open" - and lo these many years later, despite some misguided government efforts to apply zoning to a structure that defies the very concept, Tom's is going strong, a magnet for summer hippies, island pirates, boat bums, head-scratching tourists and assorted dogs. Think Key West without all the hurricanes.
Remember what I said about inspiring wonder? My friend Jim saw it recently and wondered where the heck the health inspector was, which was surely a case of a city guy applying his elitist standards to a true island institution. It is, admittedly, a bit lenient with the dress code. No shirt, no shoes? No problem, ladies. Have a seat at the bar and what'll you have?
Red-staters might want to keep their politics hidden. Tom's, I'm proud to say, is where I got my "Re-Elect Cheney-Satan '08" bumper sticker.
At any rate, somewhere along the way Tom's Burned Down started adding wacky signs with wacky sayings, signs that in their own way offer guidance through a mixed-up world. Here is some of the wisdom I stole from Tom's the other night, which is only fair given that he stole half of these from others in the first place:
1. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy greenish-blue meat is bad for you.
2. Democracy is the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.
3. How old should a highway be before you tell it it's adopted?
4. It's not pre-marital sex if you're not planning to get married.
5. Just who thought it was a funny idea to put an S in lisp?
6. Anyone who generalizes is stupid.
7. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
And my favorite: A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, damn that was fun.
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